Things I Have Never Done Sober (or great reasons for me to stay that way):

Things I Have Never Done Sober:

  • Driven a bus
  • Fucked someone else’s spouse
  • Wondered where I was and found out I was in Georgia
  • Slept in a mud puddle
  • Had people put money in my hat so that I would stop pretending to play guitar
  • Lost my pants
  • Chased someone I loved out of my town
  • Been in a high speed chase
  • Been strip searched by border patrol
  • Drove a three quarter ton van the wrong way down a one way
  • Played how many punks can you fit in a bath tub
  • Sustained a concussion
  • Thought stars were space ships because I forgot the Earth rotates
  • Been shot at by minute men
  • Had a crowd cry at my supposed comedy routine
  • Been knocked out
  • Been choked out
  • Forgotten someones name in the time it took to sleep with them
  • Microwaved a frozen beer
  • Drank a microwaved aluminum can of previously frozen beer
  • Been in a van where a dog was being jerked off by a man
  • Made corn dogs
  • Gotten Engaged
  • Had a grandparent die
  • Puked in someone else’s mouth
  • Eaten a light bulb
  • Been Married
  • Set my own head on fire
  • Believed that scabies could be cured by good thoughts
  • Fallen in a hole any taller than me
  • Meditated with a bag of top ramen
  • Peed the pants of another

What have you never done sober?


NOTE: After a nice close friend saw this post originally she reminded me of two stories  (someday you may read them) and as a result of this reminder I have had to delete peeing my pants and parking related accidents from the ‘ never done sober list’ Thank You.

About iknowyouknowmyheart

Ever Tried. Ever Failed. No Matter. Try Again, Fail Again, Fail Better -Beckett Here I am right over there, running into opportunities to stop running and hoping they keep my scent until my prayers are answered and I am brave enough to slow down.

Posted on May 3, 2013, in adolescence, luck, sobriety, true stories. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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