I trust you

The clouds trust          the trees trust

the stone, the centipede,the grass,              they all trust

all these ones changing and growing and dieing

all these ones helpless to the ways they transform        they all trust

they breathe, they trust

they form, they trust

they wither, they trust

I know that they do because they all keep going, beautiful, dignified, in their owns nature

and I trust

and I keep going

how could I wake up if I didn’t?

how could I love if I didn’t?

how could I dream or eat or shit or make mistakes if I didn’t?

what reason would there be for any of it- for long nights-for missed dawns- tobacco stains

why keep refilling the cup?

When i am shaken, when my mind lapses into a place where there is never enough and I am lost and no one ever finds me and no one even looks….

then my feet do it for me                  bless them

then my hands do it for me            bless them

when I am weary

then my heart is still doing it for me

each beat for faster or slower

loving because tomorrow and yesterday depend on it

trusting because I am wired that way

before hard hands

before adult desires transposed on child skin

before I was even an I  or such an I that words became bullets and not bridges and arms became soldiers and not nurses

I was much alike the wolves and the leaves and chili peppers and large and small waters

and I trusted

I thought that I lost that love that i am

I thought sideways looks and hidden blades were what I was and not what I did

but alas, tides change without my scheduling them

and inside of me

who I am began to rumble

and in great waves           and in small steps             and in tumbles backwards downhill rol

ling

without my facilitation, something changed or changed back

and that is a very simple thing

and also a very big deal

really the biggest deal

for someone who was ready to fall

out and away

but

held back

and stood up

by the many hands of God (s)

so that i

might have this oppurtunity

to trust you.

I trust you.